Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
