she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
