New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
