found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
