dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
