I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
