so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
