Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
