we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
