Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize