Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We're too hungover to prance.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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