i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All the doctor said was why
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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