u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
