so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
