i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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