I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
