This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
