I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
