I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
