then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
