so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
