yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
