Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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