life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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