Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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