new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
