i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You are a genius and a whore.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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