people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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