man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
