Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
