I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
