I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
