dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
