Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
