i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
