He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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