look no pants
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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