Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My dick has a subreddit
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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