consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
