My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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