Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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