Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
