Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
