does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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