i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
