My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
