Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
