Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
