Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
