their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
