I want to walk on stilts...naked
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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