just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
