well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
