Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
