idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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