Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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