I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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