Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
