I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
