we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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