don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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