i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
