nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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