Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
