Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
