I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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