Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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