so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
