I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
