I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
