i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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