I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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