last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
