Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This is my gift to your gina
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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