i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
