my vag is so smooth its legendary
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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