not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Randomize
