I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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