I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
